(Intro E A E A)
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There was one in the gang who had Scalextric
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And because of that he thought he was better than you
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Every day after school you’d go round there to play it
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Hoping to compete for some kind of championship
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But it always took about fifteen billion hours to set the track up
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And even when you did the thing never seemed to work
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It was a dodgy transformer again and again
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A dodgy transformer again and again
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It was a dodgy transformer again and again
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A dodgy transformer that cost three pound ten
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So he’d send his doting mother up the stairs with the stepladders
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To get the Subbuteo out of the loft
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He had all the accessories required for that big match atmosphere
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The crowd and the dugout and the floodlights too
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You’d always get palmed off with a headless centre forward
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And a goalkeeper with no arms and a face like his
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And he’d managed to get hold of a Dukla Prague away kit
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Cos his uncle owned a sports shop and he’d kept it to one side
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And after only five minutes you’d be down to ten men
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Cos he’d sent off your right back for taking the base from under his left winger
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And come to half time you were losing four-nil
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Each and every goal a hotly disputed penalty
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So you’d smash up the floodlights and the match was abandoned
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And the dog would bark and you’d be banned from his house
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And your travelling army of synthetic supporters
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Would be taken away from you and thrown in the bin
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Now he’s working in a job with a future
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He hands me my Giro every two weeks
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And me I’m on the lookout for a proper transformer …errr